I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
