i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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