Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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