Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize