Do you still have your period?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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