Kiss
Puke
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
