and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
