And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
