You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
