I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
