If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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