that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
