...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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