some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
