We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize