there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
