I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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