I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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