Will you blow on my dice?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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