ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there was a trapeze. enough said
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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