Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
