Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize