I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
