i just sent this text using only my big toe
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
