My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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