i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
