If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm getting married
To pizza
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
