my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
