So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
