I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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