Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
