My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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