So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
two words...techno handjob
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
