She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
