Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
