she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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