I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize