I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
