WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
