dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
