i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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