i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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