nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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