the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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