Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
