booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
