i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
