my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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