just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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