I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
