I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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