I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
