If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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