I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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