I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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