Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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