I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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