Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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