Little spoons don't ask big questions
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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