Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
