I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
