my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
