You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
