just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
