wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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