Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
