dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
