I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize