That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
